The Beating Of Two Broken Hearts
by RiskingOurHearts
Summary: "She cleared her throat, effectively gaining his attention; he was always there, her needs being the top priority on any list he had written out. That was the problem; he was always there, too much there." *Chapter 4 is M rated, although you don't have to read it to enjoy the story!*
1. Chapter 1

**A.N – You know when a story idea just crops up and takes you by surprise, whether it's after hearing a song or a phrase? Well yea, that's what happened here and I just **_**had**_** to get it out, and honestly, I got a little emotional whilst writing it – I never want this to happen in the show… EVER!**

**I know it's an angst piece, but I'd still love to know what you think, please don't shoot me down for this! : )**

**Disclaimer – They're not mine, although I've asked Santa for them for Christmas!**

Kate walked into the loft that evening with a weary expression; things had been fraught between them for months and she couldn't take any more of his insistent need to follow her around, be there all the time, molly coddle her like she was a child, shroud her, _all _the time. It was consistent, no let-up of it whatsoever, she felt completely enveloped by him – and not in a good way.

She didn't take her shoes off like she usually did, she didn't make a bee line for the shower; something she always did after a long day at the precinct, she didn't pour herself a glass of wine like usual either. Nor did she kiss him good evening.

She watched him from the doorway, watched him sitting at his desk typing ferociously at his key board, a stern concentration covering his brow, his tongue sticking out slightly as his fingers swiped effortlessly at the keys, a speed she had never seen before; only from him.

She cleared her throat, effectively gaining his attention; he was always there, her needs being the top priority on any list he had written out. That was the problem; he was always there, too much there.

"Hey," he spoke, a smile the size of the world lighting up his face.

She briefly thought about how it would be her that also took that smile right away from him, and replaced it with sorrow and grief. Heartbreak.

She didn't greet him in kind, she jumped right in, wanting to get it over with, spit it out so they could both move on. Recover.

"I can't do this…. I'm… I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore" she said softly, stuttering slightly, gesturing with her hands between herself and Castle, her heart in pieces as she spoke the words.

"I can't do… us anymore, you're smothering me, it's too much," she confirmed, surprised at the tone of her voice, level, strong, but grateful for it.

The look on his face was something she was dreading; his eyes shiny with unshed tears as the realisation of what she was saying hit him like a train, a force so great he had no idea how to explain it, an emotion so deep it felt like he was being cut in two with a sharp blade.

Seeing the look on his face was tearing her apart just as much; a knife being twisted at the centre of her heart, more painful than the bullet she had taken to her chest.

"Kate," was all he managed in response, words failing him at a time when he needed them the most, the man that earned a living with words was speechless, not a sound other than her name being able to escape him.

His mind quickly flitted through the arguments they had had in recent months, _'you're smothering me,' _racing around his mind like a mantra, a broken record.

It was true; he had smothered her, with his love, his fears, his everything. No matter how many times they had gone over the same damn debate, argument, fight, he just couldn't stop, sometimes he wasn't even aware he was doing it, he was completely surrounding her, if he wasn't at the precinct with her, he was on the phone checking up on her, if she told him she needed space; a night to herself, he wouldn't listen, he would turn up at her apartment with some excuse or another pouring from his lips.

They loved each other; but the love was so intense it consumed Kate, it was a ferocious love, burning with such intensity that when they fought, they fought with just as much fire.

They loved hard, and they fought hard.

Every argument always boiled down to this; she felt smothered by him, it was suffocating her to a point where she almost couldn't breathe.

She loved him, of course she did, but not as much as he loved her, she knew if they continued like this, they would have nothing left to salvage, not even a friendship; it would end bitterly and they would never speak again, at least this way, if they stopped before it got out of hand; too deep, they could save any remnants of a future friendship – in time, when the heart break and anger, at themselves and each other had subsided.

"Tell me what I need to do?" Castle pleaded, stepping towards her slowly, hesitantly, wondering if he went near her and took hold of her; wrap her in a strong, warm embrace, would he be able to let her go. He knew though, that Kate Beckett was a force to be reckoned with when she had something set in her mind, if she was going to do something she would do it, come hell or high water, and it was clear to him; from the determined look on her face that she was serious, deadly serious about her decision.

In times past with Kate, he would be able to turn on his charm and his persuasive ways and have her stay. Not this time though, she was stubborn, and there was no reasoning with a stubborn Kate Beckett.

There was no way he would let her walk away so easily though, not now he knew how good they _could _be together.

The thought of a life without her was unbearable, he wasn't sure he would survive it; he remembered briefly that summer she left him hanging without a word, if he was a mess then, then god only knows what he would be like after this, after a taste of _them._

"there's nothing you can do, Castle, we keep going around in circles, the same discussion over and over again," Kate spoke in a whisper as her face scrutinized the floor, if she saw the look on his face, in his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged like the life had been punched out of him, she knew she would crack, break down and sob her heart out. Ironic really, because she felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest anyway.

She knew if it was hurting her, it would be killing him; she couldn't take seeing him like that, what she'd done to him.

The saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,' she had been told to use to defend herself against bullies when she was a young girl, was a lie, a complete and utter one hundred percent lie.

"I'm sorry," he offered - hoping with all his might that it would stop her from doing this - stood frozen on the spot where he stood, unable to make a move any closer to her. The blood through his veins ran cold, his heart a physical pain like nothing he had ever felt before, he thought he had been heartbroken before; but it was nothing compared to the immense hurt he was feeling now.

Kate couldn't find any words, not a single syllable was able to find its way out, she didn't trust her voice to stay strong, if she spoke, if she could speak, she was certain it would be a muffled sound covered by deep ragged breaths; the sound a child would make when they fell over in the playground. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she was determined to not let them fall, not yet anyway.

"There's nothing I can say to make you stay?" he spoke with such tenderness; it had Kate's heart breaking even more so at his words.

_There is so much you can do to make me stay, but you just won't listen, you never have. _She thought to herself, but she shook her head anyway. No.

"Look at me, Kate?" he asked, his tone deflated, he knew deep down that there really was no winning this one.

She stayed silent, her head still glued to the floor of his study, an inner battle of emotions raging inside of her. Flowing through her like a current.

She was certain though that this was for the best, no matter how much she was hurting. They couldn't keep going on with this battle; it would tear them apart and end badly, with harsh words being their last, poisoning any chance of _any _relationship, be it friendship or colleagues.

"Kate, please, talk to me?" castle pleaded, almost begging now, he didn't care anymore.

She hadn't heard this tone from him before, and something in his voice had her breaking her silence, "I… Can't," she stumbled over her words, holding back a sob.

He stepped towards her then, hearing her pain was too much for him to bear, no matter how much his heart was breaking, seeing her cut up like this was worse.

He embraced her in his arms, strong and solid, holding her for the last time.

She wrapped her arms around his waist slowly, almost reluctantly, and buried her head in the crook of his neck, feeling the beat of his heart; memorising it. Knowing she would need it later.

"I love you, I always will," he told her sincerely, his tone gentle, inhaling deeply as if he was breathing her in.

"I love you too," she mumbled from where her head was resting at his neck, kissing him softly, a few tears finally making their way down her cheeks, "but I can never love you as much as you love me," she broke apart then, not even trying to hold back, holding onto him so tightly, almost like her life depended on it.

They stood there in silence, holding each other in the dimly lit room which was his study; a place where they had laughed together; at one another, cried together; for each other, fought with one another, made love together, the place now where they said their goodbyes.

She broke away first, knowing if she didn't leave now, she never would. Wiping at her tear stained cheeks, her mascara running under her eyes, she turned slowly and left him; left the loft and left his life – in a way he would never know again - her hand resting on his heart was the last of the physical contact between them.

Not a word was spoken as she reached the door and placed her hand slowly on the door knob, he watched her, silently willing, wishing, and wanting with every fibre of his being that she would turn around and make her way back to him, tears silently falling as she took his heart with her.

She turned slowly to look at him before she left for the last time, tears slowly falling down her own cheeks as she quietly disappeared out of sight, a soft click of the lock the only sound.

She left him with a broken and bruised heart, as she in turn, carried her own shattered, aching heart out of the door with her, hoping that one day both of their hearts would be fixed, and they could love again. Even if it wouldn't be each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N – At the request of you lovely readers, I've decided to carry this on. Probably one more chapter to go.**

**Hope you guys like this just as much as the first – let me know what you think of it : )**

Days past, turning into weeks; eventually forming into months. Three months to be precise.

She had been counting how long she had been apart from him, everyday wondering how long it would take for the heavy ache in her heart to just _end. _Most days she would plead with herself to stop hurting; desperate for the pain to stop.

Her nights were long and lonely, the bitter cold from the winter months seeping through to her bones, the thickness of her duvet wrapped around her did nothing to rid the biting chill.

Her sleep was restless, three hours at the most. She would wake from a startling nightmare; something that had returned since she left him, they consisted of everything from her shooting, the near death experiences she had been through, and often her mom would appear.

She could cope with the nightmares, what she couldn't handle was the way they ended. She saw him; Rick, resting on a slab at the morgue, his blood staining her hands. She would wake with a rising panic, the burn from the bullet hole reappearing, her lungs tightening like a rope had been wrapped around them.

It was those times when she was frantic to call him, just to hear the sound of his voice; make sure he was still alive, she knew it was silly and that it was only her dream state mind conjuring up ridiculous scenarios, but even still, she would sometimes have the strongest urge just to check.

She never called him though; she just couldn't.

Work was just as much of a struggle; he'd been such a big part in that side of her life too.

She couldn't concentrate for long periods of time like she used to be able to, she'd miss small pieces of evidence, the kind that would break a case wide open; she was slacking, and of course that irritated her. The words on the paper work were all just a jumbled up mess. Words, they were a reminder of him.

She couldn't bring herself to move _his _chair and she'd often find herself daydreaming; staring at the vacant spot he once owned.

She broke down quietly in the break room once or twice when she made coffee; using the coffee machine _he'd _bought. He was everywhere without _actually _being there, everything reminded her of him.

She had steered clear of his books, she couldn't find solace in his words this time; not when it was him she was torn up over.

She'd had a dressing down from the Captain; twice, apparently her behaviour hadn't gone unnoticed, and of course she was the subject of the office gossip for quite some time.

She'd lost weight; not being able to stomach more than a few mouthfuls or eating on the run had the bone structure of her face more prominent than before. The dark circles under her eyes were heavy and concealer couldn't hide the fact she wasn't sleeping.

Her mind had played tricks on her, replaying over and over all the good moments they had shared together, no matter how much she willed her brain to share the reason why she was here like this (a mess) in the first place. She was angry at herself, at the world, at everything, and on more than one occasion she had gone home to her empty, lonely apartment and got completely blinding drunk in an effort to forget, she'd actually trashed her apartment once when she was so out of control to try and rid herself of the rage.

She learnt though; over a few short weeks, that the weight of her pain crashed down over her with a pressure stronger than ever in the height of a hangover. She stopped drinking; as much, she knew how easy it was to slide into the bottom of a bottle.

She wasn't living her life; she was merely existing in it, she was a shadow of her former self.

She was a wreck.

And she missed. So very much.

On the other side of town Rick wasn't fairing much better, the days felt like weeks, and the weeks felt like months. The months felt like a whole life time.

He'd spend his days cooped up around the loft, no amount of pressurising and persuading from his mother and Alexis had made him get up and out.

When she had left that night, he spent four days in bed; he would only make an appearance to pick up a bottle of whiskey, wine or beer, depending on what he could get a hold of. Eventually Martha ridded the place of any alcohol and refused to buy any in.

The usually well-kept writer, whose routine everyday used to consist of a shower and a clean shave, didn't shower or shave for days at a time; sometimes it was a week.

He didn't touch his laptop; he couldn't write Nikki Heat, not when all he thought about when he was writing said character was her.

Since that night, the direction he thought his life was headed a few months ago was turned on its head and he had no idea how to fix it. He couldn't fix it without her.

Did he even want to? Was there any point in fixing it without her; he'd had his entire future mapped out before him, marriage, kids – a life. Now all he saw was darkness and loneliness. A black hole.

His heart was in shreds, and he wanted anything but to feel like this. He even wished he felt numb on some occasions; feel nothing. It was better than feeling like his heart had been ripped out, surely?

But feeling nothing meant that you didn't care, and he cared; so much, so of course he felt every ache, every shatter, and every bruise etched onto his heart; crafted to a mapped perfection that there was no way to put it back together. Every direction only lead him to her. She was the only one able to fix him.

He wondered how the heart; responsible for keeping you alive, could endure so much hurt and pain and still keep going strong, even though it was an emotional pain, it felt like a physical one.

He was a mess.

And he missed her. So very much.

xxxxxx

They hadn't spoken in three very long agonising months and Kate thought about maybe going to see him.

No, she couldn't handle that.

She considered calling him. No, she couldn't do that either, the sound of his voice would tear her apart more than she was already hurting.

She decided on sending a text. But what would she say? Everything she had spoken in her head didn't seem enough, didn't seem right.

Maybe she wouldn't text him after all.

xxxxxx

Rick sat on his bed; after five days without a shower he forced himself to get clean, the water a scalding temperature as if it would burn away his feelings, the only reason he had showered was because he thought about going to see her.

No, he couldn't handle that.

He considered calling her. No, he couldn't do that either. The sound of her voice would have him going into a free fall with nothing to hold onto to keep him grounded.

He decided on sending a text. Knowing what she was like; he knew he had more of a chance at getting a reply if he text her. But what would he say?

The truth.

xxxxxx

Little did either party know that they were thinking the exact same thing, it seemed they were still in sync after all this time - without even being together.

Maybe it was a sign from the universe that they should be together, stick it out and fight for _them._

No relationship is ever easy; everyone has their troubles, their ups and downs.

Maybe this break in their relationship had them realise how much they really needed one another and how miserable they were when they were separated, maybe they could see now that they were so good together; regardless of what had drove them apart in the first place.

Maybe they could work on it?

Maybe they could weather the storm and come out the other end?

xxxxxx

The sound of her phone chiming bought Kate out of her thoughts of him, the usual place her mind would wander to far too often for her liking.

She saw the text was from him.

Her hands started to shake, her palms began to sweat slightly and she would swear that her heart stopped beating for a few short seconds.

She felt more alive in that single moment than she had for the last three months.

Did she even want to read it? As much as she had wanted to talk with him, right now she wasn't so sure anymore.

A whirlwind of thoughts ran through her head in a matter of seconds; was he okay? Had he moved on? Was he still just as much of a mess as she was? Was he putting himself back together?

She shook her head clear of any thoughts and opened the text, blowing out a breath as she tapped the screen.

When she read it, her breath hitched and tears formed slowly in her eyes.

Her shattered heart that was barely being held together broke and crumbled at his words. If she could hold her heart in her hands, it would look like sand slipping through her fingertips.

'_How do I do this without you?' _

Neither of them could go on much longer like this.

It was ruining both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

What was she supposed to reply to that? She so badly wanted to tell him that she was suffering just as much. That she couldn't cope either.

Over the last few months she had learnt that she couldn't unlove him, she never could. They were good together; it was just her stupid, ridiculous insecurities that she had to deal with. Conquer her demons so to speak.

Her eyes were transfixed on his message, her thumb hovered over the screen, her mind working over time trying to figure out what to say. Words have always been his forte, not hers.

The guilt she felt surrounded her, completely weighed her down; a grey cloud above her head, a boulder sitting on her shoulders. She'd made him feel utterly helpless; made herself feel that way too. She could have kicked herself; several times over for what she had done to him, _them._

Maybe a good kicking would knock some sense into her.

She looked at his chair, wished with all her might that she could go back in time and change this, untangle all the hurt feelings and raw emotions. Start again.

Something had to give; maybe it was time she allowed herself to be loved. Let _him _love her with all he had, she knew it would take time and she would have to work hard to let herself be vulnerable with him, but that is something she was willing to do, put in the work and eventually reap the benefits.

If their time apart had told her anything it was that she couldn't live without him.

She typed a reply, playing around with it for a few minutes until she felt it was the right thing to say, closing her eyes as she hit send.

Castle hadn't moved from where he was sat on the bed, his head in his hands; eyes closed, his heart beating at a rapid speed; hoping for a reply. He'd do anything to hear the sound of his phone signalling a message. He'd swap his money and fame; give up everything just to hear from Kate.

Minutes past; five? Ten? Twenty? He wasn't sure; he'd just about given up on a reply, ready to admit defeat. Then his phone chimed.

He froze, his eyes opening wide, took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, the butterflies in his stomach a constant swirling.

He wasn't sure he wanted to open it, wasn't sure he wanted to read her reply. His mind flipped through all the possible things she could say.

The worst? She wanted nothing to do with him.

He mentally braced himself for that.

Expect the worst; hope for the best. That was his motto right now.

'_I can't do it either.'_

He paused, taking in the words, scrubbed a hand over his face, rubbed his eyes and read it again; just to make sure he saw what he thought he had. Maybe he could put things right. Fix _them._

He slowly let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. He was tense, nervous.

He didn't want to do this via text, he wanted to see her._ Needed_ to see her.

'_Can we meet?' _

She smiled at the thought of seeing him for the first time in months and quickly replied; eager to be in his company once more. Feel normal.

'_Coffee shop around the corner from the precinct?'_

He couldn't believe what he was reading; she had agreed to meet up. Maybe he did have a chance to put this mess to bed.

'_OK, 6pm?'_

This wasn't their usual way of communication. This was awkward, so _not _them.

She replied; agreeing to the time, itching for the clock to speed up; willing for the time to pass her by quickly.

Then her stomach turned; a complete three sixty spin.

_What happens now?_

There was no way she could wait till then; that was four hours away. That was too long.

She stood from her seat and grabbed her coat, all worries of work now gone, she didn't care; the only thought to get to him, right now all she_ cared_ about was him. Desperate to see him, aching to see him.

She fiddled with the channels on the radio; she hated fiddling with the channels.

She tapped on the steering wheel; a repetitive rhythm, she never did that.

She cursed at the traffic slowing her up, she never had road rage; she was used to the snail like pace around the city.

She was anxious, nervous and worried, a tight ball of emotions all rolled into one in the pit of her stomach, her mouth dry and her palms sweaty. She took down murderers for a living, yet here she was; a wreck about going to see her partner.

_Former partner? No._

The elevator seemed like it was taking a lifetime to arrive at his floor, she briefly thought she could have taken the stairs and got there quicker. Walked the whole twelve floors and arrived sooner than the damn elevator.

Her hands were clasped together in front of her, fiddling with her fingers, nervous energy seeping out from every pore of her body.

She felt like she was back in school and on her way to the headmaster's office for a royal telling off.

She felt ridiculous.

Finally, after what seemed like hours she reached the door to his loft, now suddenly hesitant about being there. Maybe she should have waited until later; mutual ground and all that.

The last time she arrived at his door feeling like this was the night they made the leap from partners to lovers, soaked through to the bone with apologies and declarations falling from her lips.

She had a sudden sense of de ja vu; only this time she wasn't drenched from a thunder storm.

She knocked at his door and waited for a reply, swaying from side to side slightly on the spot. She had no idea what she was going to say, she hadn't planned a speech at all; she was just going to go with the flow, see what would happen, hope she could right the wrongs.

The door opened and she saw him, looking directly into his eyes she noticed the twinkle they usually held was gone, she noticed the dark circles just beneath, the usual boyish charm was nowhere to be seen.

Boy did he look a mess.

Neither of them spoke; just stood frozen on the spot, like their feet were glued to the floor, their bodies unwilling to move; in shock from seeing the state of one another, what the last three months had done to them.

"Kate?" he questioned, his voice was soft but his face was a look of shock… what she expected.

"Castle," she replied in a whisper, the hurt in her voice evident as she took in the sight of him, tears threatening to fall from her tired eyes down her withdrawn cheeks.

He opened the door wide for her to enter, remembering his manners as his brain decided to kick start again; it being briefly disabled upon the sight of Kate unexpectedly stood at his door.

She entered slowly; taking small steps as she scanned the place quickly, her senses being filled with all the familiar scents and sounds. A rush of warmth running through her; a tidal wave hitting her full force as the memories of them flooded back to her memory.

She welcomed it with open arms. She'd missed it.

Castle didn't know what was happening; he was stunned. He pinched himself to make sure this wasn't his evil mind playing a sick joke on him.

He didn't know what to say; couldn't find any words. Speechless.

Not a first when it comes to Kate.

He made his way to the kitchen; hoping she would follow like she has done so many times before, often he would follow her around _his_ home.

"How've you been?" he asked casually, as if he was meeting up with an old friend he hadn't seen for a few weeks.

Kate shrugged her shoulders in reply, she wanted to be honest with him, she really did, but finding the words to say how low and utterly miserable she has been is something she wasn't used to. Something else she had to change.

"Drink?" he asked, always one for being the good host.

She shook her head at him. No.

They were avoiding the real reason why she was there, tiptoeing around it like it was a bomb that was about to go off, neither one not knowing how to broach the subject of _them._

The big fat elephant in the corner of the room was screaming out to them; _sort it out._

There was silence; an eary silence that filled the loft.

An awkward atmosphere settled in around them; so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Kate."

"Rick"

They spoke in unison, earning a slight smile from both of them. Some things never change.

He motioned with his hand for her to go first; always the gentlemen.

She was going to tell him everything, how the last three months had completely broken her, how she couldn't go a single day without him; have him hold her, smell him, touch him.

"I'm sorry," she spoke quietly in his direction. It wasn't exactly what she had planned to fall out of her mouth, but Rick heard the weight behind her words, and just from looking into her eyes he could see everything she couldn't voice, hell just looking at her physique told him; the slump in her shoulders, the way her hair was scraped back instead of perfected into wavy curls running down her back, the fact she had lost weight and he could visibly tell she hadn't had a decent night's sleep in weeks.

He could see how the recent months had impacted on her, and he didn't need an explanation tonight, didn't want to know what they needed to do to work through their issues, right now he was just glad she was here; made her way back to him.

He walked over to where she was stood, lifted her head with hands at her chin so she would look at him, "I know," was all he said as he looked her in the eyes, his words holding so much more meaning than just accepting her apology.

He knew they had a lot to talk about, things to discuss, perhaps even boundaries to be made, but right now that could wait. They had tomorrow for that.

He wrapped his arms around her; a strong, solid embrace that she melted into, letting her hands snake around his waist and leaning her head against his chest, breathing in the scent of him, allowing him to take nearly all her weight as she closed her eyes and relished the feeling of him holding her.

She'd missed this; missed him.

They both knew it would be a bumpy road they would have to travel in order to work through their issues; both of their issues, but all that mattered was that they had each other, could pull each other along the path they would inevitably travel.

Fix their broken hearts in the process. Together.

**My brain kept telling me to take it to M rated territory, but i decided against it as i wasn't sure if you, the readers who had follwed and reviewed etc... would be comfortable reading that sort of thing, and i didn't want to ruin it for anyone who would feel that way.**

**As always let me know your thoughts, i hope you enjoyed it and feel that this chapter lived up to standards. T****hanks for joining me in this little tale. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N - Please note the rating change… This is what happens when you guys twist my arm! **

**To 'lvncastle' I'll be waiting for them cookies you promised ;)**

**Would love to know what you guys think : )**

**Now I'm just going to hide in a corner and blush… over there - - **

A slight shudder ran through her body as a few tears delicately made their way down her cheeks, she held onto him tighter; not ever wanting to let him go again, she nuzzled his neck and placed a soft lingering kiss there.

He pulled back, putting space between them and held her cheeks in his hands, caressing away the tears as if she was made of china.

She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh as his thumbs swiped gently under her eyes.

"Kate," he spoke quietly as his eyes roamed her face; taking in her features, willing her to open her eyes.

She held her hands to his waist, not wanting to let go for fear that this might be a fragment of her imagination; that she wasn't really here and it was all a dream.

"We'll be ok," he reassured her, his tone still soft, comforting.

She opened her eyes as she heard his words, green concentrating on blue; the intensity of the look almost like they were staring into one others souls.

She nodded her head; giving her time to find what she needed to say, the tears finally subsiding. His hands on her skin rubbing soothing circles relaxed her slightly.

"You need to be patient with me," she started, closing her eyes once more, "give me space when I need it," she continued, her eyes still closed, her voice a whisper.

She breathed in a long breath then let it out slowly through her nose.

"My issues won't go away overnight," she told him, her eyes opening once more. He stayed silent, his thumbs stilling their movements but his hands remaining on her cheeks.

He was taking in her words, burning them into his brain. He would do whatever it takes to keep her, couldn't go through three months without her again.

He would do everything she asked or nothing at all if that's what she needed.

"We'll be okay… if you listen to what I'm saying, you have to promise me you will _really_ listen," she told him quietly, her breathing shallow, surprised but grateful that she could find the right words.

"I will… I'll do whatever you need me to do… I promise," his voice was soft but confident; hoping to fill her with his determination to make them work.

She believed him this time, his words resting inside of her; the truth in his voice believable.

They'd had this conversation many times before; but she'd never left for three months afterwards, maybe it was the shock he needed to change his ways; maybe the shock was what she needed to change _her _ways.

He let his hands drift from her face and let them rest on her shoulders, massaging gently trying to release all of the tension he felt there.

She stepped in closer to him then, her head resting in the crook of his neck, his hands returning to circle her waist once more, his fingers drawing lazy patterns up and down her back; instantly relaxing her.

The ministrations of his hands sent goose bumps through her body, her skin being set ablaze by the most simplest of touches.

She hadn't been intimate in so long, her only release being from the work of her own fingers on lonely sleepless nights when she craved his touch, imagining his hands, his words coaxing her on. It was never as satisfying though, nowhere near as spine chilling as having it being his fingers, hearing his whispered words of encouragement for real.

She kissed his neck softly, once, twice before making a trail of kisses upwards towards his jaw, seeking his lips.

He accepted her kiss, opening his mouth for her; their tongues playing together, a slow dance. Passionate and gentle.

They kissed for seconds? Minutes? Until the need for oxygen took over, she pulled away and smiled a shy little smile, the one she saves just for him.

His arms reached for her shoulders once again, his hands running slowly down her arms, stopping when they reached her wrists and taking her hands in his, lacing their finger together before moving backwards and shuffling her to the bedroom, pulling her willing body with him.

They crossed the threshold to his bedroom, her body highly anticipating his next move; _needing_ his next move.

He pulled her to him; face to face, reaching around to close the door and locking it.

He pushed her backwards so her back was pressed straight against the door; there was something about having Kate Beckett pressed up against his door(s) that drove him wild, a reminder of their first night perhaps? Or a strange sense of control that she was willing to hand to him; let him take over and completely melt at his touch.

The only thing Kate _would _allow him full control over was their intimate acts in the bedroom, she just couldn't help herself; whether she wanted to let go or not, her body would betray her at his ministrations. She gave up early on in their relationship of trying to stay in control; she loved receiving the pleasure just as much as he enjoyed giving it. The throaty little moans and the gasps of air she would give out was enough to have his blood boiling, the way his name would fall in a whisper from her lips as she came was like music to his ears.

He started at her neck, kissing, licking and sucking, his hands making light work of the buttons on her blouse, pulling away for a fraction of a second to shrug the material from her shoulders and letting it land on the floor by her feet.

He unclasped her bra and ran his fingers along her skin as he pulled the black lace away, leaving her chest bare before him.

She shivered in anticipation, her blood running through her veins at an astonishing speed, her heart beating against her ribcage like it was going to jump out of her chest at any moment.

He dipped his head to the place in between her chest where her scar sat, his right hand came to the place at her side; the home of her surgery scar. He kissed the bullet scar with such tenderness it had Kate's eyes watering, no matter how many times he worships her scars she will never be able to hold back the tears; at least not for a while she thinks.

They're her battle wounds that say 'I'm alive, I survived the worst of worst,' he would never get sick of paying them attention. To him it shows how strong she really is, physically and emotionally; that she can overcome anything.

He moved to her left breast, taking her nipple in his mouth; sucking and tasting, playing with it between his teeth before Paying attention the her right already taught nipple, giving it the same special attention, earning sharp little gasps from Kate; the noises he loves so much.

She pulled him gently by his hair so their faces met; so close they were breathing each other's air, she kissed him, a strong and forceful kiss full of need and want. Her belly twitching and the aching warmth of her centre building by the second.

His hands moved from where they rested across her abdomen, moving south towards the zipper of her pants, fumbling with the button before pulling the zip down slowly as his mouth stayed connected with hers.

He knew what she needed, he'd played her body so many times before he knew her tells, the forcefulness of her kisses screamed out 'more.'

She started on the buttons of his shirt, desperate for skin to skin contact, the feel of his chest and back under her palms. All coherent thought nearly vanished as she felt his hands at the waist line of her jeans. She gave up on the last few buttons and ripped his shirt open, the buttons popping off and landing on the floor, soon followed by his shirt; joining hers in a pile at their feet.

His fingers found her centre; wet and warm.

He applied pressure there and stilled, feeling her pulsing against his hand, their foreheads coming together as he looked deep into her eyes; now nearly black with arousal.

He moved his fingers through her wetness; feeling quite pleased with himself that he can get her this worked up in just a few minutes.

His middle finger worked at her clit, a soft, slow movement at first, building the pressure to as much as she could take.

Her head fell back, her hips arching into his touch, a silent plea. _More. _

She let out a gasp, a small sigh of "Castle," falling from her lips as he picked up the speed and pressure of his fingers.

Her orgasm began its climb; nearing its peak, she wrapped her arms around his neck to hold her up; confident her legs would fail her when the waves of pleasure rolled through her body.

She dropped her head to the crook of his neck, biting down; not to cause pain, but to stop herself from crying out at the intensity of her orgasm, her body stilled then shuddered as she rode out her climax, her whole body tingled from head to toe, and her hips jerking as the last waves of pleasure pulsed through her.

He stilled his hands but didn't move them; applying pressure to her over sensitised nerves, wanting her to get as much pleasure from her orgasm that she could manage.

Her heart rate began to slow, and her breathing became regular again as she came down from her high, she lifted her head up and kissed him slowly, passionately. _Thank you._

He removed his hand from between her legs and circled her waist, pulling her to him with force, their hips met with a crash and a gasp left both of them, she felt his need pressed against her and pushed him back towards the bed, coming to a stop as the back of his knees pressed against the mattress. A quick flick of her wrist and she popped the button on his jeans open, pulling them down his legs along with his boxers, he sat on the edge of the bed and kicked them off his calves and over his feet, now completely naked before her, his member throbbing, almost painfully as he waited for her.

She kicked off her shoes, and shimmied out of her pants, throwing them behind her and joining their shirts.

She pressed her hands against his chest and he glided backwards down on the bed, one swift movement and she was above him, straddling his hips, her palms flat against his chest; her fingers playing with sprinkling of hair there.

She leaned in and kissed him, once, twice, three times; quick little kisses to his lips, before rising above him and taking him in hand, guiding him to where they both desperately wanted to be.

She slid down on him slowly; twin sighs of relief filled the room as she took him in with ease, stilling to revel in the feel of him inside her, the way their bodies become one. Fit so perfectly together.

He moved his hips slightly needing her to move; she complied and started with a steady rhythm, their hips meeting thrust for thrust before she picked up the pace, faster, harder.

His release was close, she could tell as his movements became sloppy, his rhythm becoming lost.

He reached a hand between their bodies and stroked Kate with his thumb, a vigorous, relentless movement that had her reaching the brink; her nerves already over stimulated.

"Ka… Kate," Castle stuttered as his orgasm washed over, his hips jerking but his thumb still caressing Kate's centre, she came seconds later, her orgasm more intense than the first, her back arched and her head fell back, a throaty moan leaving her mouth as she let her own orgasm take over for a second time.

She fell forward after a short time, her head coming to rest on his chest; the erratic beating of his heart audible. His hands came to rest on her back, his fingers a soothing motion running up and down her spine.

"Castle," Kate spoke after a short time, her voice groggy in a state of bliss.

He turned to roll them over so Kate was nestled against his chest, one of her legs coming to drape over his thigh.

"We'll be ok," he told her for the second time that evening.

She kissed his chest, and he tightened his arms around her.

"We'll be ok," she repeated his words back to him, a small smile coming to play across her face.

They _will _be ok, she'd make damn sure of it.


End file.
